Thursday February 21 was almost became my third worst day. This was the day I almost lost Silver Mist Namaste. A colt I bred and witnessed being born into this world.I was the first face he saw when the sack broke open and have been with him every single day since. He is not yet 4 years old and I confess I have much hope in this Baby. As breeders we tend to invest much more than money into our herds and having already lost his sire only a year ago to a tragic accident It hit me very hard. Currently in our area we are experiencing some of the coldest most extreme weather we have had in this area for 83 years.The temperatures are well into the low -35C to -43 C windchill range We have had blowing snow and lots of it in recent weeks.While extreme cold like this does happen now and then for shorter periods of time,I have never seen the prolonged temperatures at this level of extremes for such an extended period of time.This was a major contributing factor to what I would experience that day. Something no horse owner never wants to see... That Thursday I arrived home having been gone all day to a horse down in the field.He was soaking wet ,presumably from rolling and frozen ,so frozen he was hypothermic and when I finally got to him he was giving up. I saw him saying goodbye to pasture mates Dandy and Apollo who he has been with almost his whole life since he was born .My heart sank.I jumped that fence so fast and what came next all bled together. I saw how bad he was doing and told him to hang on. He barely responded but turned his ear to me.I then ran into the house and got every quilt I could find,even the ones off the beds and threw them over the fence.I then covered him and laid on him,rubbing him dry and trying and get him warm.He could not get up and was barely responsive.The light was leaving his eyes :( You can't just move a 1500 lb animal.I cried ,got angry and ran the gaunlet of emotion on this.Although I am a first responder and usually am really calm in emergencies.This one cracked me open and every emotion came out.It felt so hopeless and I was so cold.I talked to him and kept telling him not to give up.My voice seemed to call him back slowly so I kept talking to him and stroking his head I layed there for 5 hours with him in these extreme temperatures until help came. Mark arrived and we made him get up.We don't have or barn up yet and wind breaks and wind shelters weren't going to cut it here.I called a neighbour to help but we ended up putting him in a green house with a large orange insulated tarp over the door to keep the heat in and drying him off with a propane heater and blankets.He slowly came back. This was a lot to ask of a sick and totally disorientated horse but it was an emergency and we did whatever we could do in the dark and freezing temps to save him.I knew we had to treat this first .If he survived this then I need my vet. We managed after a very long and emotionally draining night to save him from hypothermia and I had 2 horse blankets in the basement for such emergencies and we wrapped him up.It was all hands on Deck as Mark and I ,our neighbour and our kids did everything to get him back.That was the first hurdle. I was already drained but it was no time to rest now. We did what we could that night and the vet came out first thing the next morning.Mark was at work and so I was here alone again.He managed to roll under the Equibraid fence and was with Dandy(our other stallion) and his half brother Apollo,they kept him moving for me all night,so this may have helped us out too.The gate on that pasture was snowed in and iced shut.there was no time to dig out just then so we treated him in the field. I suspected Colic was the cause and was worried as any horse owner knows this is not good.Vet determined he had an impaction in his large intestine.Colic was just a symptom but I was lucky to catch it fairly early on.He had been rolling and it was because he got so wet in such terribly cold wind chill conditions that he ended up with hypothermia.We were switching horse blankets out from the dryer hourly to keep him as warm and dry as possible. The vet tubed him and within a half hour he was a little perkier for a while after that but we knew it would be needed again. For those who don't know this involves sedating the horse to insert surgical tubing through the nose,through the esophagas and straight into the stomach. They give the horse 5-10 litres of water/electrolyte to hydrate and the Epsom salts to act as a mild laxative.This is a life threatening condition in horses if not treated and caught early.I have raised horses for 12 years and have never had a case of colic ,never mind impaction.I am knowledgeable on it but not prepared to go there.I know I have been lucky with these horses and that others have been through this.Some multiple times.It is an awful experience.I have the greatest of compassion for all those who experience these things. From that morning we have have been working to keep him hydrated .At first every half hour,then every hour we used a syringe to get the electrolyte ,water and epsom salts solution into him as much as we could get.In this cold has been no easy task,although he was a doll and was cooperative I was freezing and was coming in only to change out gloves,coats,socks and boots and going straight back out.The water dripped down my arms into my sleeves and I could not wear gloves because I could not depress the syringe with them on.On Sunday we tubed him again and My vet has been helping us and following up with us every step of the way.I am so grateful to have such and amazing team to work with and feel blessed to have them for support. Part of his treatment is also to walk him regularly and keep him moving.We have been spending a lot of time with him ,taking him for walks down the gravel roads and for play dates with his brothers and Dandy.He has improved a lot and it has been a difficult and draining week and a day.He is still not drinking any water so though he is now back on feed (We withheld food for 3-4 days as per vet recommendation) He is eating a very soupy soaked alfalfa mixture.I am soaking cubes all day for him and carrying 5 gallon pails through many feet of snow across the yard to the sheltered area he is now in.This is a difficult task on top of regular chores and I have to constantly monitor feed and manure production or lack there of..So far recovery is slow but fairly steady.A day ago he was graduating to soaked hay but during another very cold night he stopped producing normal manure so hes back on just mash.He is frustrated and wants hay but until he drinks water will be living on mushy alfalfa.My vet believes he will drink when its warmer and advised me to monitor him for dehydration and watch the maure.He is also eating a lot of snow.Its what he wants to do.. So we are letting him.The vet explained to me that many horses do not want to drink when it is so cold.They want to eat but not drink.This is seemingly the case here.He has access to water all the time but was not drinking :( This prolonged weather contributed to this condition.All the other horses are fine.Even my senior gal..his Dam is fine. We are still not totally out of the woods here.Every few hours I check manure ,hand walk or do groundwork to keep him moving.I play with him at liberty and he loves the work.I feed him alfalfa mush and tell him to please drink water.He does not drink.Sometimes I just pat him and talk to him.I still work and do all my other chores,clean my house as best I can and now after a week of feeling like I am climbing mount everest every single day I can take a little rest. Rest to restore what I can of myself because I know that if there is nothing left in me I cannot give to him.I was there yesterday.I hope this is the summit of this mountain .I am strong and have been through and survived many terrible things in my lifetime.The last 3 years have stretched me beyond the limits of anything I ever thought I could handle.I have been asked to overcome and pass through many traumatic things and find somewhere inside myself to still feel happiness and peace.This has taken all I have but by the grace of the Great Spirit I will be ok and Aremis is still here. That day I felt like I danced with death and bargined for Aremis to live. I also had to find the place inside of me to let him go and be able to accept that if this was the outcome but I also fought very hard to save him because I knew if I gave up I would never be able to live with myself unless I did everything to help.It was very hard to find that place inside me .Especially for this colt I have placed all of my hopes and dreams in.I knew what it would mean for me if I lost him that night and how painful but I had to find that place where I could except whatever outcome came .I Struggled hard between giving up because he was, and falling apart to finding grit and an indomitable spirit so deep inside me that I did not even know I had,to give me courage and perseverance to keep going.It was surely one of the hardest weeks of my life.this is where the rubber hit the road and I had to put the Master within myself behind the wheel or I would not have made it and perhaps neither would Aremis have . Greif is the price of love but I would not change it.I would not stop loving or close my heart because of great loss.I decided that some time ago.So far in 2019 alone I buried my father in late January in this cold..but that is another long and crazy and complicated adventure because that is my life, but also
I have had some magical moments in all of this..My voice seemingly calling Aremis back from the brink of Death ...A bond that is deepened by saving a life and being saved. During our walks and playing at the motor cross track to exercise him seeing how soft and lovely he is and knowing that raising him helped him to be such a pleasure to be with.He is a 3 year old Stallion..he never pulls or jerks on the the lead he never shoves or pushes.he is quiet and respectful and he is trusting of me beyond measure. I saw some raw talent in Mark working the horses ..he's never shown much interest before this except to trim feet and usually only rides when I have one ready to go,promptly passing them back to me when he is done. In this I saw my stallion open something up in him.I saw him finding the magic I feel with the horses and he came back telling me what I already knew he would say.."I love him..hes my horse now"..haha Aremis worked some Magic on Mark that day I have not seen in him before,He is a diamond in the rough Mark.I have never seen him so soft with them and he does it all his style..but Aremis listened and followed and understood what was asked without question or confusion.He was relaxed and willing and soft.I am grateful for Marks help. I realized that years of trying to be the kind of so called "good" horsewoman others thought I should be was not for me.I already learned that but this moment hit it home that much harder.I just need to keep training from the heart.. no rules or "supposed to" ..no agendas,go slow and feel my way as I had most of my life.I will never win a ribbon or be the traditional rider/trainer because I was born to do what has not been done before..except by kids in pastures who just play and climb on and go..this works best for me.I have never had trouble bonding with this herd I just have to trust I can . I can do whatever I want to do not because I know everything because I surely do not,not because I am some great rider but because we love and trust each other,because we have a relationship and mutual respect,clear boundaries and an unbreakable bond of love and mutual respect.This experience revealed how well my horses learned what I have taught them and shows me I am a good and fair leader and worthy of them on all levels..This is how I do what I do..So when someone asks me how I train the truth is..I don't know,I just do.I am in flow and go by feel..straight from my heart.I just do it.This is what mark was doing too..I saw if we worked together..him to start the work and me to refine we could make even better horses.I extended that invitation to Mark but who knows if he will take it.Yes,I learned traditional way..they don't work for me in the way I want them to.What works for me best is to come as I am and to be a kid at play..Just me and my friends.This is how id do it..from a place where it all just flows from the heart and this is how I keep going when things are hard. Aremis is my miracle and one of the greatest gifts I have ever received in this life. <3 I hope we make it over this mountain but if for some reason I lost him now I will cherish every second we have from that day.More than before.Because that day I was reminded of the most important things life has to offer.That day I remembered how valuable those we love really are and never to forget.I learned that all I need to do is keep in flow and trust the path one breath at a time and even if I fall I will be ok..The great spirit will hold me when I can no longer hold myself.I had an amazing team ..my family,my herd,my dogs who are the best cuddlers and my vet and his team..friends although they never quite got here to help.I appreciated the support from where they were and to all who wished me well on this journey.I learned years ago we should share these experiences because we never know who need to read or hear.So I share this story.I don't know why but there is something buried inside me that whenever allows me to give up.I don't know where it is buried but it comes to the forefront when I need it .A warrior that lives within.I am grateful to her and hope somehow I will find the way to turn all the darkness I have endured into light. I don't know the end of my story because it is till being written and I still have a whole lot to process but I am cherishing whatever I get with this very ,very special horse <3 Here is hoping I will some how get a lifetime and If |I do not I will dig deep to get busy living again somehow.Hanging on to the magic we are currently creating with him..like a golden thread leading me from a labrynth |I have been wandering for far too long :( So everyday now I pray I get to keep Silver Mist Namaste. Everyday I live in the moment and keep hanging on ,doing what needs to be done no matter how difficult,everyday life finds a way to go on. I know in the weeks to come As process and things work out whatever way they will .I will see more of the why and have a better understanding of what I am passing through now.In the mean time I will keep breathing ,I will tend to my self and the garden of my own soul so I can keep going.I will do much needed self care to restore me for whatever is ahead,I will care for my herd and create more magical moments with Aremis and and see what happens. I will be on that line between life and death because I always seem to walk between the worlds..I am also a Scorpio and a Dragon (Known as double dragon)as far as Astrology goes..although I dont'hold too much stock in it I do know Scorpio represents life and death,2 things I have seen so much of and felt so much of.I guess I have always danced that line almost all my life.I deeply understand both and have witnessed both more than a few times.We are very familiar.I do not fear death for myself at all but It is never easy to be left behind by those we love.I just try to live for them and take the magic they left behind with me to help me keep going.One day I hope a very ,very long time from now I will meet Death as an old friend.I will leave this world at peace with that but I know it it not yet my time and I know that well,even when I have wanted it to be.I know I must find a way and so I will.Whatever it takes and I hope That Aremis will make a brilliant comeback as a phoenix rising from the ashes..the symbol of my double dragon sign and that it will give me what I need to rise from the ashes that I have in recent years found myself in.Hopefully soon I will find my time to shine and all this hardship will be worth it. But just for here and now Stay calm,meditate,Practice yoga and Martial arts to keep my center.Live in every moment and go with the flow of whatever shows up for me.Love my family ,friends and horses.In the end I will be transformed again as we all do when we pass through such things.Any ones guess who I will become on the other side of this but when we dance with death it changes us.We just have to decide what we will do with what is given to us.
0 Comments
|
AuthorPaola Anderson Categories |